So how many times have you been preparing to go out to for dinner, or to a party, or to almost any event, and your wife (or maybe even your husband) has uttered that dreadful phrase towards you, “Does my butt look fat in {insert whatever you want here as it really doesn’t matter because the result is always the same}?

The last time my wife (of 26 years this June 2nd) Ann Marie asked me this question, I immediately responded with what I thought was an intelligent, articulate, and well thought out response (which I found out very quickly that it was NOT the right answer!), “Is this a trick question?” I quipped. Needless to say, that response didn’t go over very well. So the next time it was asked of me, thinking that I had grown much smarter and brighter since it was last presented, I responded, “How many guesses?” …that didn’t work either.

Knowing that this was not the last time I would be asked this question, I knew that I needed to formulate a response that would not only make her smile, but would also speed up the “getting dressed” process so that we wouldn’t have to begin preparing to go out for dinner a day in advance. Nevertheless, after much contemplation, reflection, research, and asking other guys how they answer that awful question, I discovered what I thought was the perfect answer. I was so sure that this was the Piece de Resistance of answers; I couldn’t wait to try it out. I even set myself up, and chilled the champagne, for what I thought was an impending clear cut victory, not even the least bit worried that there was the slightest chance of going down in the agony of defeat once again.

So, poised for a moon walk victory dance and a ticker tape parade down the “Canyon of heroes”, I practiced in the mirror, role played with the kids, tried it out on Spencer our dog, and memorized my response backwards so that I could immediately deliver it with confidence, fortitude and supremacy. As the witching hour approached, I proudly walked up the stairs, threw open the bedroom door, took a deep breath fully expanding my chest, smiled and waited for “the question”. Ann Marie looked at me and said hysterically laughing, “What’s wrong with you?” I then exhaled so hard that I almost passed out and replied, “That’s not the question I was hoping for.” She then answered me by saying, “I’m ready, let’s go.”

With a look of confusion on my face I stuttered, “Whhhhaaaaat about your butt?” “What about my butt?!” she immediately (and quite loudly) replied, “Does it look fat in these pants?” she added. “THAT’S IT!” I screamed out, not realizing that I was once again setting myself up for instant disaster. “Oh great, now I have nothing to wear!” she said while slamming the door in my face. “No”, I said, “It doesn’t look fat.” “Then what’s your problem?” I heard through the closed door. “Could we try this again?” I asked.

Abbott and Costello couldn’t have performed this “live” skit any better, I thought to myself. “Butt” needless to say, I didn’t get another chance to redeem myself that night, and quite frankly I’m glad as I probably would have screwed that one up as well. Ok, so of course I knew that sometime in the very near future, I was going to once again be asked that extremely unpleasant question, only this time while learning from my previous experiences I didn’t try to elicit those awful words from my dear wife. I waited patiently, and the day finally came. “Does my butt look… (What-eva)?” I was asked. “No, it doesn’t” I confidently replied, “But to keep it that way maybe you should go a little easier on your health insurance?”

Once again I got that “look” from her…you know the one; it’s the one that you could easily guess what the next words that would come out of her mouth would be. Of course, I, being the genius that I am, immediately tried to cover my tracks by offering an explanation that I now know she couldn’t care less about, which of course like all things in my life, relate back to “this thing of ours”: The Insurance Business.

“You see, sweetheart”, I explained, “According to a recent study conducted jointly by Stanford University, University College of London, and the Rand Corporation, Americans who have health insurance, either private or public, are more likely to gain weight or become obese. The study then goes on to say that private insurance recipients have an increased BMI (Body Mass Index, a measure of weight related to height) by 1.3 points and public insurance increases BMI by 2.1 points over those without any health care coverage. In addition, those in the economic industry have said all along that people who are considered overweight contribute more than their fair share in burdening our tax system, as the federal government pays for about half the annual medical costs that are attributed to overweight individuals via Medicaid and Medicare costs.”

“Another study that was released last summer discovered that the overall cost of obesity-related health-care treatment doubled in ten years to $147 billion, which was a growth rate faster than the obesity rates, which increased 37% during the same ten year time span. So, I suppose the question is, will increasing health care coverage to more individuals in this country now contribute to an increase in the United States’ obesity rate, causing a cycle effect which will in turn also contribute to higher health care costs?”

With that said, it sure didn’t take long for the bedroom door to once again be slammed in my face. Well, I guess this is a topic that at least Jay Leno will have a blast with, because my face sure hurts!

Exciting things have been going on around town on the convention scene, with Albany I Day turning out one of its best performances in years both in attendance and speakers. On May 5, 2010, the Albany Field Club in conjunction with The Albany Claims Association, Insurance Professionals of Albany, Insurance Professionals of Saratoga, The Northeastern New York Chapter of The Society of CPCU, Young Insurance Professionals Network, Professional Insurance Agents – New York and The Independent Insurance Agents of the Capital Region, sponsored the day’s events. Held at the Marriott Hotel on Wolf Road in Albany, NY, this year featured several excellent, New York State approved, continuing education seminars, over 30 vendor booths, and a prominent luncheon speaker: New York State Superintendent of Insurance James Wrynn. Superintendent Wrynn touched on a few subjects, including reform of the no fault laws as this area is skyrocketing out of proportion. Mr. Wrynn stated that since 2006, no fault claims have risen about 56%, mostly due to fraud.

According to the Superintendent, the New York State Insurance Department is hoping to combat fraud by diligently working on legislation that will decertify a provider who is found guilty of fraud so that they may no longer practice. He also said that the department is working much more closely with the NCIB and SIU Departments of all carriers; in order to educate and hopefully prevent fraud before a claim is filed.

In addition to a luncheon with a very informative keynote speaker, the winner of the Insurance Person of the Year” award from the Albany I Day Committee was presented to Daria Henry. Daria just recently retired from Foremost Insurance Company, and is a CPCU and a CIC. Congratulations, Daria, and we certainly wish you the best in your retirement! Also during the trade show it at Albany I Day, it was wonderful to see people like Georgiana Carney, Kimberly Lindeman, Suzanne Marotta, Scott Devine and a few others from Pearl Carroll & Associates; (I hope you guys liked the NYC pizza I brought you!); Cathy O’Keefe from Guilderland Agency; Jennifer Longtin from Lighthouse Insurance Agency; John Decatur from Capital Bauer Agency; Thomas McDaniel, Mark McDonnell, and Tom Conway from Adirondack Insurance Company; Janice Hofaker Tighe from A.L. Hofaker Agency; and Jennifer Persons from Safeco Insurance Company (enjoy Hawaii and congratulations, Jen!). Great to see everyone there!

One more note, a very happy birthday to Michael Plafker of Member Brokerage. Some of us New York City and Long Island “Young Insurance Professionals Network” members (a few more birthdays, Mike, and you will no longer be a “young” insurance professional just like the rest of us!) celebrated his milestone at a wonderful event on Long Island recently. Many, many more, Mikey!

Well, that’s all for today, and thanks for taking the trip up the New York State Thruway with me to Albany I Day. I certainly hope that all of you Mommies out there had a wonderful and very Happy Mother’s Day, and thanks, Mommies, for all you do for us “kids”!